Suhijaquerida on Revelife

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Monday, 16 January 2012

To be Lovely

The word "lovely". Isn't it so much more powerful than "cute" or "pretty" or "hot"? There is such a soft beauty to it, a peaceful assurance, a beauty whose longing has been satisfied. To Him, we are lovely. I am lovely.

I love it.
One Little Word for 2012

My one little word this year is Peace. I chose it because my peace was stolen last year and I had to work really hard to get it back. And because it is so all-encompassing. Peace in my body is the reason I exercise (no guilt for eating poorly, no feeling of sluggishness), the reason I go to bed early (wake up calm and rested), the reason I plan ahead (no rushing, no speeding) and the reason I work hard at work and school (again, planning ahead = no stress). Peace also means letting God love me and not allowing that pervasive feeling of Not Good Enough to cause me inner turmoil all the time. Peace in every area of my life.
His love is captivating.

Still reading Captivating. Awesome book.

"...women minister something to the heart of God that men do not." (124)

"You can minister to the heart of God. You impact Him. You matter." (125)

"For the root of all holiness is Romance." (113)

That last sentence is what really got me. Really? Romance? What? But as I continued to read, I started to see what the authors meant. Romance is loving and being loved. And the first commandment is to love the Lord God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. To be like Him, to emanate His love, to obey His commands, to truly be holy and set apart, all of those things truly stem out of loving and being loved. When you love someone, you want to do things for them, you want to make them happy. You want who you are to be someone they want to be around, someone they are proud of, someone that brings their heart joy. And you do for them with fearless confidence because you know that that is already the case--who you are already brings their heart joy, just as they do for yours.

I love how the character Daphne put it on the show Switched at Birth (yes, I like ABC Family dramas...I admit it): "You know how there are some people who love you so much, that you get all happy just thinking about them?"

That's what love really is. That is the beauty of Romance, the root of holiness. That is the kind of relationship God desires to have with us.

Wow.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

A solid green light

Sometimes we tell ourselves that "He said yes" because we really want something, and not because He actually gave us the go ahead.

My goal is to live in God's will all year this year, to "only do what I see my Father do" as Jesus said, and not make any moves or take a step without His guidance and blessing and permission. I've spent too much of my life trying to do things on my own, and I know for a fact that it just doesn't work. So this year, I'm saying, "Whatever, Lord. Whatever You want, I'll do it." The question is, how do we know what He wants?

I've had this dream of traveling for years. I am the only fluent Spanish speaker I know who has never been to a Spanish speaking country. It's a testament to my language skills, but I'm not really proud of it or anything...I want to travel so bad! I tried to go to Mexico a couple of years ago, and failed, because it was not God's will for me to take that trip, and I honestly just ignored His warnings not to. So a couple of years later, here I am, just chillin in His will, not taking a step without Him. And suddenly, things are starting to line themselves up and orchestrate themselves in ways that are consistent with what I've always dreamed of doing. I just got a phone call the other day from a friend and she was telling me about this connection she has with someone who works with a program in another country. She's looking to work with someone in my profession, and I thought--random...that is so cool! So I said she could contact me. It looks like she may be looking for someone to actually go down and visit the country she works in. But I've decided I'm not going on this trip unless I can find someone else to finance it, so I looked up scholarships--and within 20 minutes I'd found a grant that fits EXACTLY what I want to do, is due in about three weeks, and can be submitted online (a plus). I went OH MAN.

And then I asked my contact what it is that I'd be working on in connection with her program, and what she suggested (curriculum and training) is right up my alley! In fact, I'm starting to do some of that here! I'm SO EXCITED about it!

But...just because it seems really awesome so far doesn't mean it's God's will. I feel like Gideon right now...I asked to Lord if I could go and I heard "Yeah, sure." But then I thought, who will take care of my house while I'm gone?" He said, "Don't worry about that." And I said...I'm not sure this is You. And truthfully, I'm still not. So I'm waiting for the dew on the fleece. Hopefully it will come soon (cuz I'm on a deadline!). Lord, is this the "go" sign?

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Circling the Mountain

So I'm continuing to read Captivating. And it's kind of tripping me out. The first three chapters were lots of flowery stuff about how women rock, which I loved but wasn't life-altering or anything. To be honest, I skimmed the first chapter because I was a bit bored. My friend told me that "chapter four is like BAM", and I thought, okay, this will be good. Then I actually started reading it...it's titled, "Wounded."

I read the titled, got to the end of the second page, and said, "Lord, I don't want to read this." The problem is, wounded is one of those chapters that reminds you of all the bad and disappointing things that happened in your childhood that you've spent the better part of your adult life trying to forget. It makes you upset with your dad and frustrated with your mom and maybe even, for a minute or two, feel sorry for yourself. But I went through all of that when I read Boundaries, and I don't want to go through it again.

But He said to me, "If you had mastered all of this, if you were really done with it, you wouldn't have put yourself through the mess that you did last year." And He has a point. There must be something I still need to work out that causes me to put myself in situations I don't really need to be in, suffering through stuff I really don't have to go through. There must be something still there that has to go.

So my prayer is, Lord, just root it out. Whatever it is, please just get to the root of it and dig it up and kill whatever is left so that it doesn't come back and mess me up again. I want to be done. I need to be done circling this mountain. This is Jericho, it's day 7, and the walls need to come down.